To get some insight into Robert, the creator of LBT, and how his own personal challenges impacted his learning and ultimately, the creation of this course, here are some personal stories: 

 

I remember when I was just getting started in psychology and therapy. I hadn't yet gone to grad school, and I was still finding my way, both as a young man and in terms of my career. I knew what I was doing wasn't feeling like it mattered much, so I felt myself searching for something more meaningful, and something that made a positive impact on others. 

I ended up getting my Masters in Clinical Psychology, and going down the looonggggg road of becoming a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. Now I was at least beginning to feel like I was on the right career path. However, as an ordinary individual, a regular human-being, and a typical young man, I struggled with some very real issues (and still do) that really impacted how I see myself and how I relate to others.

 

Some of these issues were:

Loneliness. I remember for a good part of my young adulthood, I felt that if I wasn't in a relationship, it meant something was wrong, which I eventually internalized as 'something wrong with me.' It wasn't until I began learning powerful new ways of relating to myself, and to being alone, that at some point something clicked, and suddenly I no longer felt the urgent necessity to be with someone and I no longer felt like

loneliness means 'something is wrong.' I can't even tell you how life-changing this was for me and how much freedom I still continue to feel, after having learned new ways of relating to any situation or feeling.

Impostor Syndrome: Although now educated and trained in psychotherapy, I still often felt (and still sometimes feel), like an impostor. I mean, who the hell am I to provide feedback, suggestions, and guidance to someone about the most intimate and personal parts of their life? Impostor Syndrome is real, and I know that first-hand. Feelings of lack, or not being good enough, or even being a fraud that will eventually be discovered by clients, customers, colleages and friends. This is not a good way to wake up each day. I remember the first seeds of impostor syndrome, back when I was a freshman in high-school, and got cut from the Varsity soccer team on the last day of tryouts (due to my small physical size at that time), despite being  an excellent soccer better and noticeably better than many who made the team. I remember how I internalized this event so personally as a sign that I was lacking in some way. Looking back on it, I think I can honestly say that it was quite a traumatic event. We know now that trauma is not always an event like war, surviving or witnessing something horrific, etc. Trauma is how the nervous system and brain make sense of an process a given stressor, and then that energy is held in the body and beliefs about the event become solidified in the mind (with our stories and perceptions about ourselves/others). We also know that childhood trauma wires our brains for fear (fight/flight), and hyper-vigilance (checking our surroundings and others for confirmation that everything is ok). 

 

When I was able to learn how to notice these faulty beliefs I had about myself, and learn to engage with these thoughts and beliefs in new and different ways, I was able to let go of the impostor, and begin to recognize and grow self-worth, including all that I have to offer others who are going through something similar.

RelationshipsBeginning this journey of self-growth, evolved into a bit of a spiritual journey as well. I began learning how to manage anxiety. I learned to respond to anger, impatience, and frustration in skillful ways, instead of reacting in the old ways. I learned how to practice compassion for myself and others. All of these things were once very much not a part of my tool-belt. Now that I have these tools, and others, I noticed more intimate relationships, more connections with others, and see my vulnerability as courageous. This does wonders for relationships. I also recently trained in the Gottman Couples Therapy, which has given me a whole new perspective on healthy (and dysfunctional) relationships. 

Head back to the Lunch Break Therapy sales page here.

Robert  Oleskevich, M.A., LMFT

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Psychotherapy/Counseling in Saigon, Vietnam

(+84) 078 345 0380

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